Unsolicited Advice

This time I’m the one giving it instead of receiving it.  Maybe we could call this a public service announcement though.

Here is your list of things not to do in your apartment if you are not planning on cleaning it before you sublet it:
 
1.  Smoke in bed and leave your cigarette butts under your mattress.
2.  Leave a filthy mattress at all.  Seriously–how do you make it so nasty?
3.  Spill juice–thick juice–on your bedroom floor and not mop it up.  It congeals, hardens, but stays sticky. 
4.  Leave all of your rusty utensils.  No, I don’t want to use them.  I’ll buy new ones for $10 thankyouverymuch.
5.  Leave an entire fridge filled with food that expired.  Not expired-last-month expired, but expired in 2002 expired. 
6.  Leave a dishwasher filled with crap.  Not dishes–trash.  Paper towels in the drain.  Ick in the drain. 
7.  I won’t even talk about the oven.  Let’s just say that we bought a toaster oven and haven’t gone near the real thing.
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3 responses to “Unsolicited Advice

  1. I’m not convinced it was juice. I don’t know what it was–and I don’t want to know–but I’m skeptiacl about the juice theory.

  2. Also what about that thing in the medicine cabinet? I should point out that it is without question the best medicine cabinet in the history of the universe. However, there is something gooey in the corner that might be an alien cocoon.

  3. I also forgot to mention the fact that she left back acne body wash in the shower. Um, I don’t want to know you have back acne. I don’t want you assuming that I also have back acne. And I’m much too skeezed out to throw it away, so any visitors we have probably think that we have back acne.

    But I don’t. For the record.

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