Creepy Baby’s So Confused

How DO humans walk?! Sitting down doesn’t even make sense.

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It’s A Miracle!

When we left Trader Joe’s today, Oliver saw an American flag flying over a nearby building.

I heard him say, “It’s a miracle!”

I asked what he meant, thinking he would answer with something about seeing the American flag meant to him, maybe mentioning Kullervo’s military service, or something heartwarming. Or I thought he would be amazed at the flag flying in the wind or something along those lines.

His response?

“Not a miracle, Mommy. It’s America!”

Well, at least he knows our flag.

Let Condemnation (and Literalness) Reign

Oliver told me today that he wanted to put on a show in the living room. He elaborately set up chairs for Hazel and me to sit in and turned off all the lights. I was excited to watch, and wondered if he would be dancing or singing or performing a skit of some kind.

So Hazel and I sat down, and then Oliver came and sat down with us. He said, “Don’t worry, I have, like, five thousand remotes.”

He then pointed an imaginary remote control at the cleared space in the living room, and said we were watching a show about kitties.

No skit. No dancing. No singing. No poetry recitals. Nope. My kid wanted to put on a pretend show.

Hilarious Neighborhood Sign

“Please keep your kid away from my window.”

I saw this sign on a neighbor’s window the other day, and at first I thought it was ridiculous of them.

Then I realized that the window is behind a closed gate, so some parent or caregiver is letting their kid into people’s yards and basically trespassing, and those kids are knocking on windows.

Even better-I am pretty sure I can guess which neighborhood kids this is referring to. (Nope, not mine. I value my privacy and teach my kids to value others’.)

Today’s Oliverism/Hazeliloquy

Oliver and Hazel were arguing over a toy, and Oliver got mad, and said, “Hazel!  Go to Time Out!”

Hazel, who has never been sentenced to time out, walked dutifully over to the time out corner and sat down.

… I had to have a conversation with Oliver about how he doesn’t get to be the boss of Hazel, and certainly doesn’t get to send her to time out.  I am pretty sure Hazel was just excited to finally get some punishment around here.